Relationships
A friend of mine called Mahmoud , I have loved this friend so much. unfortunately he was also a victim of my constant avoidance , but we are good now. Mahmoud and I were completely different personalities, yet something linked us at the core. thankfully to this relationship, I finally had a name for it. we were the only ones who allowed themselves to get lost.
when it comes to giving advice, I’ve become economical with my words. I take things slowly, often saying maybe later, or not now.
sometimes distance doesn’t change how much you know someone.
It only changes how helpless you feel watching them from afar.
People often mistake my quiet and nerdy appearance for having a specific type. they assume I prefer introverted friends, or that I naturally gravitate toward people who love science, numbers, psychology, and all the things I seem to be interested in. they think similarity is the easiest way to reach me.
They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart
Lawliet
I noticed recently that for three years I haven’t really known anyone. I haven’t let a single person into my life since 2023. I have been building the walls higher, without even fully registering it was happening. and the part that stops me when I sit with it is this: I didn’t want to know anyone. there was no longing or craving to know anyone, even tho there is distance. no part of me reaching toward people and being held back. I simply had no interest. not in forming relationships, not in initiating, not in letting anything grow into something nameable .