Reflection
At the start of the year, I had to catch up with a team I’m part of. we wanted to escape the dull rhythm of formal meetings and genuinely check in on how everyone had lived through 2025.I asked a simple question:
The recent realizations I’ve had about myself, the
hard conversations that followed
, and the evidences I started linking together were pointing to something I didn’t even know existed.
they were slowly lighting the road in front of me. not forcing me forward, just showing me that there is a road. there is an interpretation it is not a random stochastic process.
Oh, it always looked like you never cared about anything. just you and your computer.
Recently, I was in a meeting, and after the official hours ended, members usually stayed to catch up and chat a bit. one girl came up with a random question. It was something like: what is something a stranger has told you that stuck with you? It wasn’t too long until that moment that I realized I actually had one.
I have been flooded by all sorts of unexplainable emotions these days, and I feel the need to log this one, to sit with it and give it shape. anger is not something I am familiar with. it is an emotion I rarely felt throughout my life. but when I finally cast light on what had been controlling my behavior for so long, when I started seeing my past clearly, I felt angry.
I remember very distinctly how my elder brother Mohammed wanted me to pursue a career in media. he wanted me to become a photographer or a videographer, or whatever lived in that space. I do not know whether he saw my talent, or whether he simply noticed how much I loved it. the truth is I did love it. but at the time, I was lost in myself, I wasn’t clear about my love to this particular hobby, I was fooled by the glaring effect of science and progress. and to be fair, it is glaring.