Reflection
The recent realizations I’ve had about myself, the
hard conversations that followed
, and the evidences I started linking together were pointing to something I didn’t even know existed.
they were slowly lighting the road in front of me. not forcing me forward, just showing me that there is a road. there is an interpretation it is not a random stochastic process.
Oh, it always looked like you never cared about anything. just you and your computer.
Recently, I was in a meeting, and after the official hours ended, members usually stayed to catch up and chat a bit. one girl came up with a random question. It was something like: what is something a stranger has told you that stuck with you? It wasn’t too long until that moment that I realized I actually had one.
I have been flooded by all sorts of unexplainable emotions these days, and I feel the need to log this one, to sit with it and give it shape. anger is not something I am familiar with. it is an emotion I rarely felt throughout my life. but when I finally cast light on what had been controlling my behavior for so long, when I started seeing my past clearly, I felt angry.
I remember very distinctly how my elder brother Mohammed wanted me to pursue a career in media. he wanted me to become a photographer or a videographer, or whatever lived in that space. I do not know whether he saw my talent, or whether he simply noticed how much I loved it. the truth is I did love it. but at the time, I was lost in myself, I wasn’t clear about my love to this particular hobby, I was fooled by the glaring effect of science and progress. and to be fair, it is glaring.
Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you will understand how foolish it is to think you can change someone else.
— Matthew Hussey