Personal
I had a friend I met online who struggled with social anxiety. He used to tell me how he panicked at the idea of going to the university. I knew he wasn’t lying, but part of me couldn’t truly believe it, that a psychological disorder could control someone that much. I was telling him: you just needed to stop overthinking that people will hurt you, remind yourself there’s no reason to be afraid, and call it a day. Yes, I was ignorant. I tried to convince him to change something he couldn’t change, to “overcome it,” as if these were only voices in his head.
do things badly
As the years pass by, I find myself adapting to different reasons to keep living, and to share, I’m not as clear as I used to be about why I should be posting something publicly, but looking back over the years, I recall how writing started. How reasons changed.
One of the main incentives behind sharing my notes in public is not the urge to talk. As social creatures, we naturally love sharing experiences, stories, and ideas. But I buried that essential human feature for a long time. I used to post on Facebook , not consistently, and then I went through what I called “ Manulasis ”(I heard of this back in high school in one of the articles but I forget the spelling/word but never the definition): the tendency to give up explaining things to people. I essentially gave up sharing altogether. I became detached from the external world without even noticing, day by day.
There’s an anecdote about Richard Feynman when a historian walks up to his desk and sees all the sheets of paper lying around on Mr Feynman desk and makes a comment about these being a record of Feynman’s thinking and then Mr Feynman corrects the historian and says that: these are not a record of my thinking i think on paper and then the historian presses on and says that surely you’re thinking in your head and these are only records of the thoughts in your head and that’s when Mr Feynman says: no they aren’t a record of my thinking process they are my thinking process. I actually did the work on the paper.