Healing on Ahmed Alghali Blog

Humans Are Loving Creatures

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 28 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0300

Humans are full of love. full of empathy at their core. they were born to love, not to hate. the state of hate costs a man more than loving ever could, loving prospers, hate drains. you can feel this in the texture of any given day. the meaning you pull from it, the power you feel inside it, it traces back almost always to the love you’re carrying. for a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, a lover. a man is full of those emotions.

Learning to Respect Myself

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 21 Feb 2026 23:27:58 +0300

The image I held about myself was always vague. if I am being honest, I never truly liked myself. I never paused long enough to build a clear internal picture of who I was beyond performance and ambition. this whole psychology conversation about self image and inner narratives felt unnecessary to me. I did not have a defined understanding of self worth. when someone asked me if I believed I was worthy of love, I genuinely did not know how to answer. I did not spend time thinking about those questions. they did not feel practical. they would not buy me the Lamborghini I wanted, so why should they occupy space in my mind. for the longest time, introspection felt like a luxury I don’t want to invest in.

No One Is Going To Save You

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Tue, 17 Feb 2026 05:10:00 +0300

We carry this thought in the back of our heads. it is subtle. it is subconscious. it is so invisible that even when you write and write, trying to drag it from the subconscious into the conscious, it refuses to show itself clearly. instead, you only feel the symptoms, the void, the emptiness, the sense of being lost. but beneath all of that, there is something deeply rooted.

Sick of Yourself

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 16 Feb 2026 09:00:00 +0300

There is a catalyst behind every better decision you have ever made., it is the urge for change.

Learning What Humans Found Easy

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 11 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0300

I don’t usually overthink how people read my titles. learning to be bothered , learning to feel again , those who are around me would probably get it. but I’m not writing for strangers anyway. I write to make things clearer to myself. and what I keep coming back to is this pattern in the things I choose to write about: the basic human functionalities, the ones everyone else seemed to pick up without thinking. politeness, warmth, asking for help, letting people in. I had to learn all of those. I was raised well, yes, but I had to do a lot of it alone. sometimes with the help of someone older who took the time. mostly by myself.

What Wren Carried — 05: From Confusion to Clarity

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Fri, 06 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0300

Following up with Wren, and after consulting doctors, it turned out that on the same day I shared with him what a doctor had told me about his medical numbers, he received his latest diagnosis results. thankfully, his blood pressure had returned to normal. there was no persistent hypertension. it was also very unlikely that he was diabetic, as the doctors initially suggested.

He felt relief. he was happy, and so was I. it had been a very long time since I followed up this closely with a friend. this one was special. as I helped someone passing through something I once been through, and I know for sure the complications it would lead to. Wren is now more aware. I saw him today posting a video in his personal space about how he has started to see things clearly. how doubt is slowly turning into clarity.

What Wren Carried — 04: Learning to Acknowledge

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Thu, 05 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0300

I discovered that wren was lost. he was living in his head. he carried fears and doubts that no one knew about. one of these fears was that he did not know how to look at god. not out of lack of faith, but because the way we learned religion did not include space for what a man can endure from the inside. the emphasis on this is either completely absent or very shallow. because of that, he struggled to understand what he was going through. is it good. is it punishment. the men of religion did not emphasize this enough.

What Wren Carried — 03: The Weight Is Now Visible

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 04 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0300

I followed up with him again after that. this time, he told me the latest diagnosis. high red blood cell count. elevated sugar levels, though not urgent, at least for now. he said he was not planning to tell his family. they worry too much.

He sounded exhausted. too tired to sleep. he kept repeating something that stayed with me. that what he was suffering from was not the illness itself, but what his head was telling him. the collapse was not only physical, but mental too.

For Three Years I Have Been Somewhere Else

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 02 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0300

I’m slowly starting to form an answer. the three years I wrote about were not random. they were shaped, heavily and quietly, by days I still don’t understand , and I keep discovering this, a little more each day. those days are becoming one of the most important chapters of my life. so dense, so unprocessed, that it has taken me years just to begin understanding what happened there. and I still don’t have the full image. there is something I haven’t yet confronted, something I’m not ready to name, sitting at the center of it that I keep circling without going in. What I do know is this: I feel like I got caught there. like I locked myself inside those days without realizing it. like there is a version of me that I left behind in 2023, specifically at the University of Khartoum, and never went back for. a version I am too afraid to think about clearly. I didn’t choose to abandon it consciously. I just never processed it. and when I try to understand why, I find nothing. not resistance, not pain, just absence.like a self discontinuity: when something ruptures so completely that the person you were before it and the person after it don’t feel connected, just splitted. it is not like growth, the I outgrew something. but like.. the way I imagine it, something that was never finished, yet I closed the door.

The Tail of the Monster

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Fri, 30 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0300

In the five unplanned hours I’ve spent on calls with Awab, he mentioned once that he had started a course kind of on self discovery, presented by the author of The Surrender Experiment. as I remember they were nine chapters, online. Awab said he moved through the first few quickly, impatiently, because the material was already familiar to him. and then he reached the end of chapter six, where the instructor said: in the next lecture, we’ll be talking about x. and Awab paused. he told me he knew, instinctively, that what came next was something he wasn’t ready to hear. so he stopped. and he stayed stopped.

Good Times For a Change

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 28 Jan 2026 19:51:17 +0300

Change is not only about will power. you can fight your inner conflicts . you can decide to improve . you can push yourself daily. but there is another factor that matters just as much: timing. some forms of change does not happen just because you want it to. it happens when life gives it space to grow. it happens when conditions are in favorable.

What Wren Carried — 01: Faith

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 26 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0300

Wren’s heart is deeply faithful. when we lived in the same building, I never once saw him miss a prayer at the mosque. not even Fajr. no matter the hour, he was always there.

I met him when I was around eighteen, and we remained friends from that point on. he has one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard in Quran recitation. our conversations were light. he was gentle, considerate, quiet. a pure soul. he did not have many people around him, at least that is how it felt to me.

Worst Feeling Ever

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 24 Jan 2026 21:52:38 +0300

If you were to ask me what the worst feeling is, I would not choose one single emotion. it is not anger alone. not grief alone. not sadness or longing by themselves. the worst feeling is when they all gather at once. tension born from emotional suppression. confusion layered over alienation. longing mixed with hopelessness. pressure sitting beside grief. anger tangled with sadness. it is not one storm. it is many storms colliding in the same sky.

To Karb - About the Way Forward

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 24 Jan 2026 11:36:55 +0300

You’ve asked me before.

Is there a way out of this?

It Grows Teeth

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sun, 18 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0300

“What you can’t say owns you. what you hide controls you.” — something my brother Mustafa kept as a bio, somewhere around 2016

Not Broken, Just SubOptimal

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 17 Jan 2026 16:45:29 +0300

I do not complain about the life I am living.
I do not point fingers at the surroundings anymore.
I used to do that, a lot, but I stopped. now I look inward and stay there. and sometimes a quiet question rises.
what if I never stopped blaming the world and allowed it to carry my pain for me.
what if naming the environment was easier than naming myself.

Lessons That Healed Me Then - Writing

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 24 Dec 2025 12:19:51 +0300

you go through life for a long time believing no one has ever suffered the way you have.
and then, one day, you read something. or you hear something.
and you realize your suffering does not isolate you. it is your bridge.

Forgetful

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 24 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0300

Growing up isn’t the problem, Forgetting is.

The Little Princess

Changing Alone

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Tue, 23 Dec 2025 08:41:28 +0300

I tried to run from this idea. But it keeps finding me. I wish if I could disbelieve it, but it keeps proving to me that it is a truth. it finds me in the silence between distractions. it finds me when I am almost okay, and it sits beside me, it whispers, and it says: you are still here. still alone in this.

Doing it alone is hard. No one to see my progress. No one notices the night I chose to fight, the morning I got up when everything in me said stay down. No one is there to say I see it. I see what it is costing you. I just carry the evidence of my own becoming and have nowhere to put it. nowhere to share it. because of what? because I have never learn to.

Five Unplanned Hours - I learned myself by watching someone else arrive

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 20 Dec 2025 22:56:44 +0300

Today, I spent five hours talking to Awab.

It wasn’t planned. no intention, no emotional preparation. he texted me casually saying: “VC in 2–3 hours?” the kind of message you expect to lead to small updates and shallow catching up as we usually do. Instead,it became one of the most profound conversations I’ve ever had.

Lessons That Healed Me Then Series

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 17 Dec 2025 22:48:00 +0300

When I turned thirteen, something shifted in me. it was not dramatic on the outside, but internally everything felt rearranged. I was lost in a way I could not articulate. I could not understand my emotions, nor my behavior, nor the sudden cynicism that began to color the way I saw the world. I became negative, sharp, and difficult, and I started affecting the people around me without even noticing.

Before You Heal Someone

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 14:03:43 +0300

Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you will understand how foolish it is to think you can change someone else.
— Matthew Hussey

Losing Control Over My Thoughts

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 08:14:28 +0300

This is a part I have always wanted to document and share but I never found the right words for it. it is the scariest feeling I have ever experienced, and it is mainly composed of fear. but it is also confusing in a way that, unless untangled slowly and honestly, it will remain confusing forever.

The story goes back to 2023 when I was a student at the University of Khartoum. I wrote about that period before in a draft called days that I still do not understand . during that time, I was packed with fear. I was shaking for no obvious reason, living inside something I could not explain. I kept saying it was my sympathetic nervous system reacting because I was grinding too hard, as if my body had decided to pull the emergency brake for me. but that explanation slowly started to feel shallow. what triggered my nervous system in the first place? why was I already tense before the collapse? why was I restless long before everything fell apart?

I Learned Meaning Before I Learn Pleasure

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 08 Dec 2025 13:32:58 +0300

There is a famous Viktor Frankl quote:
“When a man can’t find a deep sense of meaning, he distracts himself with pleasure.”

Lessons That Healed Me Then - Thought and Condition

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Thu, 04 Dec 2025 12:19:51 +0300

There were parts of my childhood and teenage years when I found myself visiting what I now think of as the cave of disparity. I was fortunate enough to find my way out. much of the credit goes to one essential shift that guided me toward stability if I my say: I stopped over-complaining about my condition and began paying attention to how my thoughts were shaping my state of being.

When the body schedules the break

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 29 Nov 2025 12:00:00 +0300

if you don’t schedule a break, your body will take one for you, and it probably won’t be at a convenient time.

Learning to Feel Again

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Fri, 21 Nov 2025 08:00:00 +0300

“I think it’s important for people to present themselves as they are, which is messy, because to present yourself as perfect sets up an unfair standard for other people to live by.”
— Simon Sinek

I Keep Failing the People I Care About

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Tue, 25 Mar 2025 19:12:13 +0300

Things I was wrong about

Recently, I came to the realization: I’m not giving people what they deserve. I don’t make it easy for them to stay close to me, not only strangers, but even the people who care about me the most. I build walls, my mood is forever changing around them, and constantly not around. And I know this is wrong. I noticed that at the beginning of relationships, I can match people’s energy effortlessly, but over time I gradually drift back into being distant and cold. It feels unfair, it’s hypocrisy. either I shouldn’t appear friendly in the first place, or I should remain consistent with the way I start. which is being friendly forever.