Growth
It is a month later now. Wren has been going through something that feels painfully familiar to me, something close to the days I once lived without understanding . today he texted me, excited, talking about learning psychology and trying to understand the human mind and anxiety. I felt briefly happy for him. he sounded genuinely alive, like someone who had finally found a door he wanted to open.
Wren is not usually the type to dive into these themes. he is into anything but interoception, so when he spoke with that kind of curiosity, it caught my attention. then he said something that touched me. he said there were no days he hated himself more than those days. the moment I read that, I felt tightened inside.
I once emphasized how I see writing as a must , and how it helps me to understand myself . I did not say that lightly. At the time, I thought I was already being radical in my statement. I thought calling writing a “must” was extreme enough. But I have come to a stronger conclusion since then,
I don’t usually overthink how people read my titles. learning to be bothered , learning to feel again , those who are around me would probably get it. but I’m not writing for strangers anyway. I write to make things clearer to myself. and what I keep coming back to is this pattern in the things I choose to write about: the basic human functionalities, the ones everyone else seemed to pick up without thinking. politeness, warmth, asking for help, letting people in. I had to learn all of those. I was raised well, yes, but I had to do a lot of it alone. sometimes with the help of someone older who took the time. mostly by myself.
I want to skip the part where I tell you that phones are bad and social media is ruining attention spans. you already know that. you’ve read it, heard it, felt it. what I want to do instead is follow the actual chain, that starts with something as ordinary as picking up your phone in the morning and ends somewhere much further away.
Most conversations about overconsumption stop at focus. saying: too much content fragments your attention. and that’s true, but it’s also the least interesting consequence in my opinion. the more serious one happens later, mostly slowly, over months.
Following up with Wren, and after consulting doctors, it turned out that on the same day I shared with him what a doctor had told me about his medical numbers, he received his latest diagnosis results. thankfully, his blood pressure had returned to normal. there was no persistent hypertension. it was also very unlikely that he was diabetic, as the doctors initially suggested.
He felt relief. he was happy, and so was I. it had been a very long time since I followed up this closely with a friend. this one was special. as I helped someone passing through something I once been through, and I know for sure the complications it would lead to. Wren is now more aware. I saw him today posting a video in his personal space about how he has started to see things clearly. how doubt is slowly turning into clarity.
I’ve learned since a young age that time will pass.
not moments with loved ones.
not revolutions and the race to wealth.
not the one we age because.