Growth
I don’t usually overthink how people read my titles. learning to be bothered , learning to feel again , those who are around me would probably get it. but I’m not writing for strangers anyway. I write to make things clearer to myself. and what I keep coming back to is this pattern in the things I choose to write about: the basic human functionalities, the ones everyone else seemed to pick up without thinking. politeness, warmth, asking for help, letting people in. I had to learn all of those. I was raised well, yes, but I had to do a lot of it alone. sometimes with the help of someone older who took the time. mostly by myself.
Following up with Wren, and after consulting doctors, it turned out that on the same day I shared with him what a doctor had told me about his medical numbers, he received his latest diagnosis results. thankfully, his blood pressure had returned to normal. there was no persistent hypertension. it was also very unlikely that he was diabetic, as the doctors initially suggested.
He felt relief. he was happy, and so was I. it had been a very long time since I followed up this closely with a friend. this one was special. as I helped someone passing through something I once been through, and I know for sure the complications it would lead to. Wren is now more aware. I saw him today posting a video in his personal space about how he has started to see things clearly. how doubt is slowly turning into clarity.
I’ve learned since a young age that time will pass.
not moments with loved ones.
not revolutions and the race to wealth.
not the one we age because.
Working with me used to be difficult, I am a high performer. I tend to do things with care, down to the small details, and I expect a basic level of thoughtfulness from the people I work with. not to overcomplicate life, and not to control others, but to make sure things are done properly.
I remember my friend Awab sharing a thoughtful reading recommendation from the LessWrong community titled You will be OK . it is both a clarification and a gentle reminder of different ways to think and act under the existential threat of AI, written as a response to concerns raised by a young community member in Turning 20 in the probable pre-apocalypse .
The only real distinction between me and many of my friends is that I seek truth as a need, not as a pastime. I have spent most of my life trying to understand the world we live in, its physical reality, its existential questions, and its moral structure. what widens this distinction is that I do not treat understanding as an instrument for enjoyment or intellectual vanity. I seek it because I need it. I need it to make better decisions, and to quiet the confusion that once crowded my mind.