Growth
It’s May 6, and I will be turning 21 in less than a month. I used to document at this time of the year, where I try as much as possible to reflect on the progress made this year, perhaps my learning process.
Things I was wrong about
Recently, I came to the realization: I’m not giving people what they deserve. I don’t make it easy for them to stay close to me, not only strangers, but even the people who care about me the most. I build walls, my mood is forever changing around them, and constantly not around. And I know this is wrong. I noticed that at the beginning of relationships, I can match people’s energy effortlessly, but over time I gradually drift back into being distant and cold. It feels unfair, it’s hypocrisy. either I shouldn’t appear friendly in the first place, or I should remain consistent with the way I start. which is being friendly forever.
I’m not sure if it exactly look as I imagine it
Zeinab
The first time I encountered this idea was when talking to Zeinab Sami 016 FMSI, while I insisted that she must study how stochastic processes are involved in machine learning, she responded with something that falls into the idea: “Your perception of this major might be different from the reality.”
It is almost always the case that I avoid giving productivity tips or life hacks, anything that would make someone life better through accomplishing a task, as I see that it has nothing to do with applying tips and tricks more than having a mindset. for example if someone is having the mindset of becoming better, they would pay attention to advices, and eventually sticking to habits would be easier.
It took me about a month to realize something small but surprisingly important. being left handed is a quiet advantage if you are a teacher, a professor, or anyone who lectures using a board.
I once read:
“one of the greatest tragedies in life is that you will always be loved more than you will ever know, someone in your class might find your presence inviting and warm even if you’ve exchanged a few words with them or maybe none at all, someone on the street loves your smile and it brightens their path for the next few blocks, someone who regularly comes to work is disappointed when you aren’t there, someone missed you today, someone noticed when you’re gone, someone loves you when you’re there, someone loves you when you’re nowhere to be found at all, you might think you have always disappeared when you’re no longer in the picture, but you never left the frame”