What Wren Carried — 04: Learning to Acknowledge

I discovered that wren was lost. he was living in his head. he carried fears and doubts that no one knew about. one of these fears was that he did not know how to look at god. not out of lack of faith, but because the way we learned religion did not include space for what a man can endure from the inside. the emphasis on this is either completely absent or very shallow. because of that, he struggled to understand what he was going through. is it good. is it punishment. the men of religion did not emphasize this enough.

Screenshot from Wren Chat

He felt relief knowing that I once shared this skepticism . I was young enough then that I did not know how to answer it either. physically, I advised him that as soon as he recovers, he could try to take care of his health through some form of physical activity. it releases stress and helps maintain a healthier lifestyle. he found it hard to keep any physical routine, and even harder to stay in bed. he suffered from exhaustion, dizziness, headaches, low periods, and excessive sleepiness. it was clear that his mental health was not at its best.

When we talked, he mentioned the possibility that it might be boredom. not boredom in the sense of having nothing to do, no work or chores, but something deeper. he remembered that part when I had no entertainment system in my life. that period led me to problems. I used to watch movies, anime, listen to music, and then in 2022 I stopped everything abruptly. I began grinding in all aspects of life. I was productive, but there was nothing else. I was not bored enough to seek stimulation, but I kept burning myself nonstop.

We talked about how amusements and enjoyment are necessary. playing a sport regularly. video games. anything that pulls you out of your head and away from overthinking. I shared with him my heat sink analogy . how these things act as a release rather than an escape. he resonated with that deeply. he said it might explain the collapse he was experiencing.

Later, he sent me nine minutes of voice recordings. after reading days that I did not understand, he told me he resonated with every single line. he began reflecting on himself and the kind of person he is internally. he is a lonely soul. everything external seems to demand energy he does not have. as if life itself has not been on his side lately. he started seriously investigating the mental health aspect of what he was going through.

He shared a private telegram channel with me. a small space where he documents his life for a trusted group of friends. when I opened it, the most recent message was a reflection on the importance of mental health. I felt relief. as long as he is acknowledging this, he is on the right track. he knows what he is doing.

I looked through earlier messages from about a year ago. videos he recorded. personal notes. it was clear that mentally, Wren was collapsing. he was not at his best. these records were evidence that something was wrong. I was seeing the part of Wren I always sensed existed, but was hidden away. I felt awe, as if I were in the presence of something vast. the small assumptions I once had about him turned out to be accurate. they are here now, and I could see them.

We spoke about things he had suffered through. things heavy enough to break a person. yet somehow, we learn to live with them as if they are minor.