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There is a catalyst behind every better decision you have ever made., it is the urge for change.
Life will always find a way to bring you back to your knees, not with something dramatic. not with a perfectly timed tragedy. sometimes it is something small. something unexpected. something careless in its timing. a single comment. a memory. a failure. and suddenly you are back inside your head, remembering how hard it used to be to live there.
Most of the time we are afraid that we are not living in the best chapter of our lives. there is this quiet suspicion that something greater exists somewhere else, and that we are currently settling. so we cope. we gather friends around us to feel whole. we build small bubbles where we cherry pick moments, conversations, and people that make us feel temporarily complete.
It is a month later now. Wren has been going through something that feels painfully familiar to me, something close to the days I once lived without understanding . today he texted me, excited, talking about learning psychology and trying to understand the human mind and anxiety. I felt briefly happy for him. he sounded genuinely alive, like someone who had finally found a door he wanted to open.
Wren is not usually the type to dive into these themes. he is into anything but interoception, so when he spoke with that kind of curiosity, it caught my attention. then he said something that touched me. he said there were no days he hated himself more than those days. the moment I read that, I felt tightened inside.
I once emphasized how I see writing as a must , and how it helps me to understand myself . I did not say that lightly. At the time, I thought I was already being radical in my statement. I thought calling writing a “must” was extreme enough. But I have come to a stronger conclusion since then,
Some of the things that force clarity of mind in writing are not the words only and the choice of words, but the links between them. linking notes is not a decorative feature. it is structural. it allows thought to move from being scattered into being shaped. this is something that can hardly be utilized in regular note taking apps, but when you use a more sophisticated system or a personal blog, you allow this feature to exist naturally.