Posts

State of Numbness

Early to rise early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead

The First 20 years of my life in a nutshell

Today I folded the first twenty one years of my life, years I can’t repeat or replay. I thank Allah for blessing me to live this long. Those first 21 years were upheavals.

21

It’s May 6, and I will be turning 21 in less than a month. I used to document at this time of the year, where I try as much as possible to reflect on the progress made this year, perhaps my learning process.

Forming Communities

“They thought I’m one, but I’m many.”
— Bakry

I Keep Failing the People I Care About

Things I was wrong about

Recently, I came to the realization: I’m not giving people what they deserve. I don’t make it easy for them to stay close to me, not only strangers, but even the people who care about me the most. I build walls, my mood is forever changing around them, and constantly not around. And I know this is wrong. I noticed that at the beginning of relationships, I can match people’s energy effortlessly, but over time I gradually drift back into being distant and cold. It feels unfair, it’s hypocrisy. either I shouldn’t appear friendly in the first place, or I should remain consistent with the way I start. which is being friendly forever.