On Comparing Pain Without Erasing It

I’ve recently been thinking about comparative suffering . for me, the idea that there is a greater problem out there often helps me feel relief. It allows me to dismiss my own problems.

at some point, I discovered that there is a logical fallacy that describes exactly this behavior. I had no idea that what I was doing could be wrong in any way, to be clear, a degree of comparison is sometimes necessary. we compare problems to prioritize them and decide what to work on first. but I also realized that there were times when I misused this comparison.

A hidden trap

It is called the fallacy of relative privation, The classic example is the man who complains about having no shoes, then sees someone with no legs. we compare suffering, often by measuring our pain against greater pain. sometimes this is deeply rooted in our belief system. you hear phrases like “it could be worse”, usually backed by an implicit example of someone who ended up in a much worse situation. I’ve recently learned that this fallacy comes in different shapes, and that its scope is broader than I initially thought.

It can be used to minimize achievements by setting unreasonable standards. for example, getting many A- grades and dismissing that achievement because someone else got straight As, It can also be used to justify poor conditions. saying “this is better than being homeless” while discussing slightly improved, but still unacceptable, living conditions.

I want to point out that this is a double edged sword. not every comparison is fallacious. there are cases where this human tendency to compare suffering, problems, or concerns is useful, and cases where it is misused, I’ve already written about how I misused it before. I was, and to this day still am, mostly interested in comparison for the purpose of dismissing complaints.

Minimizing myself and my own problems. saying things like: what I went through today is nothing, I know someone who has been through so much worse.

When it’s not fallacious

I don’t want to be misunderstood as saying that comparing suffering is always wrong. as mentioned earlier, there are situations where this comparison is not fallacious. one clear example is limited resources. comparing problems in order to rank them or assess their severity helps us decide which issue is more urgent.

A concrete example is triage in a hospital emergency department. doctors compare conditions to decide who can wait and who needs immediate attention.

When it’s fallacious

The part I’m most interested in is when the existence of greater concerns causes us to ignore the current concern at hand. a common example is dismissing your mental state because something worse exists. saying, “I shouldn’t be depressed about my breakup because there are people living in war zones.”

This may be factually true, and it may help you temporarily minimize your pain. but when your current problem is dismissed simply because a greater problem exists elsewhere, nothing about your situation is actually resolved. pointing to a global tragedy, a greater concern, does nothing to fix your current mental health. your pain does not become nonexistent just because something worse exists. as long as this concern exists, it still needs to be addressed.

Contradictory notions

From a logical standpoint, minimizing your own suffering is fallacious. you shouldn’t be doing it. even though it can lead to a seemingly functional outcome such as staying productive or being selectively ignorant , it still results in a suboptimal solution. whether something is a problem is independent of other concerns. It should not be dismissed through comparison.

As stated earlier, comparison can be useful, but usefulness does not justify dismissal. the existence of a greater problem does not make smaller problems irrelevant. your problem is still important. this is basic logic, yet we repeatedly fall into the trap of minimizing our own problems and justifying it by telling ourselves they don’t matter, all in the name of staying functional.

A recommended read

If this topic resonates with you, I recommend reading the following poem . it beautifully captures the essence of acknowledging one’s pain, it caputes the ethics of awareness, not charity, not guilt, but consciousness, keeping things in mind.