Never Losing Control Between Good and Bad

The most important of these skills, and power’s crucial foundation, is the ability to master your emotions. An emotional response to a situation is the single greatest barrier to power,

a mistake that will cost you far more than any temporary satisfaction gained by expressing your feelings. Emotions cloud reason, and if you cannot see a situation clearly, you cannot prepare for it or respond with any degree of control. Anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, for it clouds vision the most. It also creates a ripple effect that makes situations less controllable and heightens your enemy’s resolve. If you are trying to defeat an enemy who has harmed you, it is far better to keep him off guard through restraint or feigned friendliness than by showing anger.

The ability to distance yourself from the present moment and think objectively about the past and the future.

robert greene

One of my most recent realizations was how controlling my emotions led me to suppress a large portion of them. this was difficult to admit. It forced me to look at how this discipline shaped the person I am today. I keep returning to a particular scene from a series, where the protagonist confronts the chef who trained him.

You were an okay chef when you started with me, and you left an excellent chef. So you’re welcome.

I’m welcome? You gave me ulcers, panic attacks, and nightmares.

That exchange has stayed with me ever since I first saw it. when I was twelve, I prayed for power. I prayed for mastery, and I told myself I was ready to accept whatever it demanded of me. only much later did I realize that it had taken far more than I expected.

Recently, I began looking at this discipline with a more pessimistic eye. there were moments when emotion clouded my reasoning, exactly as Greene describes, and this made me dwell on the downsides of extreme self control. I started questioning every instance where restraint worked in my favor, wondering whether it truly served me or merely numbed parts of me that were still alive.

A situation with a group of friends brought this tension into focus. we were relying on someone to help us accomplish something important. he failed to deliver. most of the group became furious, to the point that they could no longer hear his justification. they were exhausted by him, and when he admitted he could not follow through, the situation edged toward physical confrontation :).

Their reaction was understandable. they were emotionally charged and clouded. I stood there watching them, and watching myself. I was not overtaken by emotion. I could understand the man’s explanations, and I helped calm the situation before it escalated. A fight was not in our favor. It would have created more problems than it solved. if conflict benefited us, I might have stepped aside and let life take it’s natural turn, but in this case restraint was the rational choice for me.

A few hours later, alone in my room, I reflected on what had happened. It did not feel unfamiliar. I have often been the least intense in my reactions, not because I feel less or observe less, but because I learned to keep emotion from overtaking my reasoning. Greene’s words returned to me then, not as theory, but as lived experience.

That reflection led me to a broader question. what if human beings are shaped with different dominant qualities, not only to function as individuals, but to function as groups? perhaps these qualities are distributed in a way that allows societies to endure and civilizations to progress. even within a small circle of friends, this becomes visible.

Someone emotionally mature can hold people together when tension rises. someone practical can solve immediate problems. someone polite and thoughtful can open doors with words alone, and get us some free tickets. someone rational can guide decisions when chaos threatens to take over. I started to think of the following: that maybe progress, even in its smallest form, is rarely the product of a single trait. but built through the quiet coordination of many.