Learning to Feel Again

“I think it’s important for people to present themselves as they are, which is messy, because to present yourself as perfect sets up an unfair standard for other people to live by.”
— Simon Sinek

For a while, I hesitated to do a lot of things. I hesitated to make new friendships , I hesitated to share my writings publicly .

The reason is I was, and to this very day concerned with the questions that deviated me from being socially active. One of these questions is:

What happens to a young person’s expectations about life when most of what they see one the internet are idealized stories, overly wise, unrealistic narratives? What happens to my community if this is the kind of discussion being shared publicly, which is mostly unproductive, pointless, trivial, and hollow? Can I change this?

I’m still young, actively consuming data from the world, learning, and constantly changing. Sharing my opinions is not making the world a better place, I’m sure whatever I write be deprecated by my constantly evolving beliefs . so why bother writing? the world has enough of people talking, saying they want to make it a better place. The world is full of people who are more “qualified” to talk than myself although no one listens to them. Writing random quotes on social media that can mean different things to different people, or sharing a meme that can help someone heal, was enough for me.

This hides the part of my life I don’t feel comfortable revealing in lengthy stories and lessons. The problem is that the majority of people end up using social media as a self help book. They look up to people’s achievements to get inspired, craving stories that match their personal circumstances and challenges. People are subconsciously building a map about the world using what is shared on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, X…

An example: someone doubting their journey in learning finance، feeling lost in the equations, thinking they’re “dumb” because everyone else seems to master the math effortlessly and even automate process in software tools. What people don’t say is that doubt is normal, and many of these equations aren’t intuitive at all, hardly understood at any given time. and It’s okay to feel confused Another example . someone just learning software engineering opens LinkedIn and feels left behind because people post about how they can solve noble problems using data science and machine learning software 2.0 they say. They may feel others are more impactful, and build the statement “all people working in data science are impactful” while in reality, most of these are demo projects, graduation projects, or research ideas far from implementation. I experienced the same when I first accessed the internet, consuming materials that seemed ideal, perfect, true, valid ,but are far from reality.

Not explicitly mentioning our imperfections, hiding them, does not help. Packaging them in memes, stories, or art might provide temporary comfort and company for someone receiving, but it might not be good in the long run. I see this as one of the factors contributing to people’s despair these days. We tend to package our social appearance with what we find worth showing. Of course, you won’t go out there showing people all the insecurities you have. Telling them how you overcome social anxiety, they believe its a myth, or how awkward your hobbies are, you will be judged harshly. A few people do this. But in searching for perfection, we forget the most natural attributes of being human: being present , being emotional, being wrong.

When I’m about to talk publicly or post on social media, I overthink if my writing matches all backgrounds and ages of my audience, if people would think I’m insecure about something, and if my writing is solid. That’s why I mostly write short quotes, not sharing experiences, lessons, or opinions, and ultimately suppressing my emotions.

Life isn’t a set of solutions

Life isn’t made up of a set of solutions for you to find.
It’s built on extreme behaviors you learn to balance.

As a result of not engaging fully socially I have mastered controlling and potentially suppressing my emotions; which led to numbness . eventually I lost the meaning and pleasure of sharing my experience. the silence of surviving a day that no one knew about was hard, but the comfort zone I build covered this. Other factors include I’m very good at keeping myself busy and having master’s degree in wearing custom masks.  

By letting myself speak more honestly, I’m not only helping myself grow; I’m giving something back to the people who read me. If I share things as they are not polished, not idealized I might open a small space for someone else to breathe, to doubt safely, to feel normal again. And maybe this is how I contribute: not by being perfect, but by being real when most people aren’t.

Now, I need to learn the opposite: I need to engage, to care. I need to feel and to love. To enhance the quality of my life, I must show my true colors without abandoning myself.

I must stop wearing masks and let the changes that happen to me show up in my behavior with people. This way I can know who truly loves me and whose concerns include my problems.

Perfect time does not exist

if you wait, until everything feels finished, you gonna miss the people who would have loved you exactly as you are.

I’ve waited for a long time to get it right, to feel certain that I finally figured it all out. That I will have a good map of reality which can define ideal human interactions for me. But this never happened, and I might waste my life waiting. And planning.

Let’s give this a shot

I’ve tried to read books, rush the process of writing and publicly sharing, spend hours consulting friends, and form smaller communities to test my ideas. Did they work? Not entirely, but they provided lessons and information.  

I have no clue if this is just one of those random 3:00 AM bursts of motivation or if I’m finally tired of my own patterns, but one thing is sure: life rewards actions more than intelligence. I have a preliminary outline of what I want to do, and I should not overthink and drown myself in inaction.  

I will fail, it’s okay. I’m freaking out while writing this, but the signs point me to try. I will share more because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. Sharing my uncertainty can help someone; sharing my doubts when learning something can make someone’s day better. Sharing my insecurities can bring me people who help me overcome them.

In the end

Having these pieces of notions connected and understood took me a long time. Yesterday, I was vulnerable, unaware of what I write here. My writing is not perfect; I could have used wiser words. Blind spots, potential mistakes, and pitfalls await me, but I welcome them, and I welcome whoever helps me in my journey.

For what is a man what has he got  

If not himself then he has not  

To say the things he truly feels  

And not the words of one who kneels  

The record shows I took the blows  

And did it my way.