I'm Afraid of What Awaits Ahead for My Friends

sometimes distance doesn’t change how much you know someone.
It only changes how helpless you feel watching them from afar.

I live away from my friends, I don’t get to meet them regularly, but I have met them before, I know exactly what kind of people they are, what they are capable of, what they are not, what they are running from, and what they want, I know this because they were humble enough to share this with me, the one who never shares anything.

In the recent years, the time we take for our next catchups can span anywhere between a month to a whole couple years, and I hate it because I often see many of them stuck in the same cycle with more complexities added to their lives, and others break free but trap themselves in a new cage they can’t see.

Watching Them Bend

It is so depressing to see a friend of mine going through cycles of self isolation and grey days when I know for sure that this is not who they are.

They love being out there with people, talking and yapping about stuff, but times have changed for them. no one is around for them to listen, or they’ve been hit by realizations about themselves or the cruelty of the world.

I hate to see how this world is bending my friends, especially the ones who are not used to those parts, the ones who I think are very soft, very emotional, and very easily triggered.

They can, as most people do, pretend they are fine, but I know exactly that the life they are living currently and the hits they are experiencing are not something that they enjoy.

What I Hope They Don’t Lose

I wish that they never get to lose who they are in the process of facing all this.

I hope that they keep the innocence, exploration, spirit, ease, and joy in a safe spot within, where they can unleash the love and warmth the moment they are allowed to experience it, the moment they allow themselves to embrace it and let the doubts go away.

Concern

This thought is eating my head, and I can’t help but write it. when someone goes through a hard time regarding anything, whether it’s something mental or something real, they tend to adapt a new mindset that matches the stimulus happening.

A good example would be constantly being overwhelmed by not getting what you want, so you decrease your expectations as a mechanism for lowering the suffering. as long as I’m not expecting something, I will not be disappointed.

But of course, you will compensate love and joy in this process, the love of discovering something in the hope you will get it, and the joy of thinking it is reachable.

Almost all adopted mindsets are coping mechanisms, even the ones that seem very solid. they leak elsewhere, and it is always the case that they are discovered late.

I hate to see my friends adapting these mechanisms and conclusions. I have once fallen into them, and I know exactly how it ended up for me, It wasn’t a pleasant experience to discover it all on my own.

It’s like someone telling you:
I was having trouble slicing my onion with my previously rusty knife, i’ve bought this new knife and it’s way sharper, and it is indeed, my friend.

I’m happy that you see this as progress, because it is growth.
It is growth that you realized the knife you were using was rusty and stiff, but I’m worried too. I’m worried because I know that this knife will cut you a lot in the process of trying to make it fit there. you may eventually master using it, but it’s too sharp to be carried all the time for all the tasks.

Ten Miles Down the Road

It is growth to realize that the mindset you were having had holes in it, and it wasn’t perfect. but I hate to see the new mindset you adopted. it will lead you to results by making you functional and motivated, maybe to keep doing some work, but it has real downsides that you will never get to see now.

I can see them, my friend, ten miles down the road.

I can see exactly where they would lead you, and I will pray desperately for you to never experience that part.