Being Kind Doesn't Mean I Want to Be Close
I am kind to everyone, close to none. kindness, for most people, is misunderstood as weakness or as something owed. for me, it is misunderstood as desire. people take politeness as permission. they see thoughtfulness and assume invitation. but I never gave permission to be known. I never asked for connection. and rejecting someone does not mean they are bad. it simply means I do not want to form a relationship. sometimes distance is the kindest thing I can offer
- tags
- #Reflection #Boundaries #Kindness
- categories
- Reflection
- published
- reading time
- 2 minutes
They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart L
Many of my friends suffer from people taking their kindness for granted. others either assume it is a weakness, or treat it as something that simply exists in you and should continue indefinitely. so when they are not in the mood to be kind, or when life is going badly for them, they are judged with a simple question. why did you change. this never really happens to me directly, but I can feel how heavy it is when someone misuses your kindness.
Looking at myself, I am not an exception. people misinterpret my kindness almost all the time, but in a different way. they do not assume that I will keep providing kindness forever, as if they already know that boundary. instead, they do something worse for me. they take it as a sign that it is acceptable to form any kind of relationship with me. they are completely mistaken about this.
I dislike it when ordinary, expected politeness and rational, thoughtful acts are taken as signals of desire for closeness. kindness is mistaken for an invitation. they assume it is fine, as if I gave permission to befriend me, while I have never explicitly said so. I never said I wanted to form any kind of bond, nor that I was in need of one.
I do not want to act rude just so someone understands that I am not interested in knowing them. rejecting someone does not mean they are bad, and it should not damage their image of themselves. it is simply that I do not want to form a relationship. in fact, I see it as a form of care. them not getting to know me is better for them, and me not trying to know them is better for me.