Self on Ahmed Alghali Blog

Born in the Wrong Passport

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 02 Mar 2026 18:49:44 +0300

This is a piece I have always wanted to write. not when I was inside it, not when the feeling was too loud and too close, when emotions clouded reasoning, but now, when enough distance has settled that I can finally lay it down without it burning my hands.

Never the Spotlight

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sun, 01 Mar 2026 22:24:46 +0300

Looking back at my experiences, I can now see that my pattern was never about avoiding responsibility itself. That was the story I told myself for years. The deeper concern was something else entirely. It was about avoiding the spotlight.

Emotions and States

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 28 Feb 2026 22:18:20 +0300

I’ve come to realize that not everything we “feel” belongs to the same category. Some emotions are momentary, they rise, peak, and then fade. Others are more persistent. They linger beneath the surface and shape our experience over time. The difference between an emotion and a state has become very clear to me.

Take emptiness, for example. Emptiness is often described as a feeling, but it behaves more like a state. When you feel hollow inside, it isn’t just a passing wave like anger or excitement. It’s a sense that something is missing. You can distract yourself from it, you can silence it temporarily, but it doesn’t fully disappear. It waits. If you’ve ever truly felt emptiness, you know it has continuity. look and investigate inside every time and you will feel it. It’s not a spark, it does not vanish easily.

On Disappointment

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 28 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0300

Among all the emotions I carry, disappointment sits in its own category, the one I least want to experience. I don’t feel it often, and that is not an accident. I don’t place people in positions where they can disappoint me, I don’t expect much from anyone, and I don’t let just anyone close enough to matter, something I’ve written about before in my defensive nature . on top of that, I’ve built a bubble around myself, overly selective about my environment, deliberate about who gets near it. I wrote about this at the opening of not broken but suboptimal . but none of that makes me immune. you cannot fully program your life. mistakes will happen. people you never invited will find their way in, and sometimes you won’t notice until it’s already too late.

Learning to Respect Myself

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 21 Feb 2026 23:27:58 +0300

The image I held about myself was always vague. if I am being honest, I never truly liked myself. I never paused long enough to build a clear internal picture of who I was beyond performance and ambition. this whole psychology conversation about self image and inner narratives felt unnecessary to me. I did not have a defined understanding of self worth. when someone asked me if I believed I was worthy of love, I genuinely did not know how to answer. I did not spend time thinking about those questions. they did not feel practical. they would not buy me the Lamborghini I wanted, so why should they occupy space in my mind. for the longest time, introspection felt like a luxury I don’t want to invest in.

Walking Contradictions - I Dont Love Leadership

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Fri, 20 Feb 2026 23:34:31 +0300

There has been a contradiction in my life for years, and I have only recently started articulating it clearly. I have led communities before . I have been part of founding teams. I have worked inside startups. I repeatedly find myself in environments where leadership, impact are either finds me or is quietly handed to me. yet despite this pattern, I do not think of myself as someone who loves leadership. In fact, if I am honest, I have often avoided it.

Walking Contradictions - Good With People, Afraid of People

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 18 Feb 2026 15:12:58 +0300

Recently, a friend (North) told me something that summarized almost every failed attempt I had at explaining myself in relationships. he said although I wonder around and communicate, I am not dependent on being loved, and I am not dependent on being liked by everyone. and indeed I do not move through life chasing validation or needing reassurance that I matter.

The Bias In My Advice

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 16 Feb 2026 23:44:00 +0300

I remember that over the years a kind of resistance began to form between me and giving advice to others. at first I thought it was because they were too lost to see . sometimes I thought they were not ready to heal . but the truth is simpler and harder to admit. the resistance existed because I was different.

I have learned something recently that I can finally say without arrogance. when you are naturally good at enduring something, you underestimate how heavy it feels for others. there is a friction that happens when your strength becomes someone else’s weakness. and instead of recognizing that difference, I was projecting my own structure onto them.

Sick of Yourself

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 16 Feb 2026 09:00:00 +0300

There is a catalyst behind every better decision you have ever made., it is the urge for change.

Search For What is Missing

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 16 Feb 2026 06:00:00 +0300

Most of the time we are afraid that we are not living in the best chapter of our lives. there is this quiet suspicion that something greater exists somewhere else, and that we are currently settling. so we cope. we gather friends around us to feel whole. we build small bubbles where we cherry pick moments, conversations, and people that make us feel temporarily complete.

I Have Nothing To Say About This

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 14 Feb 2026 00:21:00 +0300

I don’t really find myself like everyone else. most times, I have no opinion on almost everything. I have no favorites. I don’t have a stance on almost anything that happens. I get asked, what’s your take on this? what’s your stance? and when I try to investigate myself within, I find none. there is no clear answer.

Standards, Thoughfulness and Care

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 02 Feb 2026 23:59:20 +0300

Working with me used to be difficult, I am a high performer. I tend to do things with care, down to the small details, and I expect a basic level of thoughtfulness from the people I work with. not to overcomplicate life, and not to control others, but to make sure things are done properly.

Learning To Be Bothered

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 28 Jan 2026 23:00:00 +0300

Either at work or in daily life, car horns for no reason. someone dragging their feet without lifting them. cutting a public service queue. leaving clothes in the gym changing room instead of the locker. a bank agent typing five words per minute. an uber driver talking on the phone. someone playing a video on the metro without headphones.

Veteran Of The World, Defeated Inside

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sun, 25 Jan 2026 16:30:00 +0300

Hardships of life are less hard to endure than living in my head.
Than having an internal conflict.

Worst Feeling Ever

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 24 Jan 2026 21:52:38 +0300

If you were to ask me what the worst feeling is, I would not choose one single emotion. it is not anger alone. not grief alone. not sadness or longing by themselves. the worst feeling is when they all gather at once. tension born from emotional suppression. confusion layered over alienation. longing mixed with hopelessness. pressure sitting beside grief. anger tangled with sadness. it is not one storm. it is many storms colliding in the same sky.

Never Losing Control Between Good and Bad

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 24 Jan 2026 19:51:17 +0300

The most important of these skills, and power’s crucial foundation, is the ability to master your emotions. An emotional response to a situation is the single greatest barrier to power,

Can Someone Please Tell Me I'm Wrong

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 19 Jan 2026 18:00:00 +0300

I remember that particular day. I was heading to the University Of Khartoum. I took the city train. I was standing. there were no seats left. my head was facing the floor, and the train was moving. I was just there.

Not Broken, Just SubOptimal

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 17 Jan 2026 16:45:29 +0300

I do not complain about the life I am living.
I do not point fingers at the surroundings anymore.
I used to do that, a lot, but I stopped. now I look inward and stay there. and sometimes a quiet question rises.
what if I never stopped blaming the world and allowed it to carry my pain for me.
what if naming the environment was easier than naming myself.

Economical With My Words - Advice

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 04:35:00 +0300

when it comes to giving advice, I’ve become economical with my words. I take things slowly, often saying maybe later, or not now.

On Comparing Pain Without Erasing It

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sun, 11 Jan 2026 10:36:08 +0300

I’ve recently been thinking about comparative suffering . for me, the idea that there is a greater problem out there often helps me feel relief. It allows me to dismiss my own problems.

2025 in Five Words

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sun, 04 Jan 2026 17:41:53 +0300

At the start of the year, I had to catch up with a team I’m part of. we wanted to escape the dull rhythm of formal meetings and genuinely check in on how everyone had lived through 2025.I asked a simple question:

I Didnt Know How to Be With Me

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Fri, 02 Jan 2026 15:00:45 +0300

The recent realizations I’ve had about myself, the hard conversations that followed , and the evidences I started linking together were pointing to something I didn’t even know existed.
they were slowly lighting the road in front of me. not forcing me forward, just showing me that there is a road. there is an interpretation it is not a random stochastic process.

Comparative Suffering : A Habit of Looking down

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Thu, 25 Dec 2025 03:11:01 +0300

I used to lament having no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

When I was a kid, my elder brother Mohammed used to work in many charity organizations . I used to be part of many of the events these charities were about. I saw the suffering of kids who were at the same age as me, many of whom had no father, no mother, no home to return to.

It Was Never Power to Me

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 24 Dec 2025 19:46:35 +0300

Oh, it always looked like you never cared about anything. just you and your computer.

It Was Never Small

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sun, 21 Dec 2025 19:13:43 +0300

I have been flooded by all sorts of unexplainable emotions these days, and I feel the need to log this one, to sit with it and give it shape. anger is not something I am familiar with. it is an emotion I rarely felt throughout my life. but when I finally cast light on what had been controlling my behavior for so long, when I started seeing my past clearly, I felt angry.

Feelings, Archived

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 20 Dec 2025 04:31:19 +0300

I remember very distinctly how my elder brother Mohammed wanted me to pursue a career in media. he wanted me to become a photographer or a videographer, or whatever lived in that space. I do not know whether he saw my talent, or whether he simply noticed how much I loved it. the truth is I did love it. but at the time, I was lost in myself, I wasn’t clear about my love to this particular hobby, I was fooled by the glaring effect of science and progress. and to be fair, it is glaring.

Uncertainty

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Fri, 19 Dec 2025 19:55:00 +0300

There was a time in my life when I allowed myself to be uncertain. uncertainty was my mindset. it did not affect the technical side of my questions, nor did it damage my daily decision making on the surface. but internally, I sometimes drowned in it. the paradox of choices embedded itself into my behavior, and perfectionism became a side effect of refusing to pick what felt suboptimal. I lived inside my head more than I realized. this state was invisible to the external world. it was entirely internal. I was doubting my own internals.

Lessons That Healed Me Then Series

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 17 Dec 2025 22:48:00 +0300

When I turned thirteen, something shifted in me. it was not dramatic on the outside, but internally everything felt rearranged. I was lost in a way I could not articulate. I could not understand my emotions, nor my behavior, nor the sudden cynicism that began to color the way I saw the world. I became negative, sharp, and difficult, and I started affecting the people around me without even noticing.

Walking Contradictions – I Could Read You But Not Feel You

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 00:20:00 +0300

No matter how open, peaceful or loving you are, others can only connect with you at the depth they have reached within themselves.

This realization came to me at twenty one, and it was not gentle. it hurt to admit. I come from a spectrum of people who were never fully able to see others clearly , but I was not one of them. I was always good at analyzing people. I understood patterns, motives, insecurities. I even played the therapist role many times in my life, something I wrote about briefly here . understanding people was not magic. it is a basic human feature if you pay enough attention. the contradiction that confused me for years was this: I could understand almost everyone, yet I struggled to truly connect with them.

Losing Control Over My Thoughts

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 08:14:28 +0300

This is a part I have always wanted to document and share but I never found the right words for it. it is the scariest feeling I have ever experienced, and it is mainly composed of fear. but it is also confusing in a way that, unless untangled slowly and honestly, it will remain confusing forever.

The story goes back to 2023 when I was a student at the University of Khartoum. I wrote about that period before in a draft called days that I still do not understand . during that time, I was packed with fear. I was shaking for no obvious reason, living inside something I could not explain. I kept saying it was my sympathetic nervous system reacting because I was grinding too hard, as if my body had decided to pull the emergency brake for me. but that explanation slowly started to feel shallow. what triggered my nervous system in the first place? why was I already tense before the collapse? why was I restless long before everything fell apart?

Who I Am : on the Person I Failed to Define

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Fri, 12 Dec 2025 20:40:54 +0300

This question is by far the hardest for me to answer. I’ve tried for years, and every attempt was prone to failure. A big part of the struggle wasn’t just about identity itself, but about how strange my relationships were, unstable, confusing, always shifting. It’s hard to know who you are when the people around you don’t stay long enough , for you to see your reflection in them.

I Forget Too Much

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Thu, 11 Dec 2025 19:14:36 +0300

You’re just forgetful.

There is one attribute that almost all the people around me seem to know about, because I keep talking about it a lot: I find it difficult to remember both people and places, I forget things very easily.

Before Joining University

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Thu, 11 Dec 2025 08:28:03 +0300

I was waiting so badly to join university, high school had not been kind to me. It was not catastrophic, but it was deeply unpleasing. I did not feel at home there. I felt like I was passing through something I had to endure rather than something I could grow inside. I didn’t like it at all.

Lessons That Healed Me Then - Thought and Condition

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Thu, 04 Dec 2025 12:19:51 +0300

There were parts of my childhood and teenage years when I found myself visiting what I now think of as the cave of disparity. I was fortunate enough to find my way out. much of the credit goes to one essential shift that guided me toward stability if I my say: I stopped over-complaining about my condition and began paying attention to how my thoughts were shaping my state of being.

When the body schedules the break

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sat, 29 Nov 2025 12:00:00 +0300

if you don’t schedule a break, your body will take one for you, and it probably won’t be at a convenient time.

Helping as an Escape

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Fri, 28 Nov 2025 07:38:35 +0300

Sister Calderon: I don’t know but..whenever we happen to meet you’re always helping people and smiling.

Learning to Feel Again

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Fri, 21 Nov 2025 08:00:00 +0300

“I think it’s important for people to present themselves as they are, which is messy, because to present yourself as perfect sets up an unfair standard for other people to live by.”
— Simon Sinek

Days I Still Don’t Understand

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Fri, 21 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0300

I had a friend I met online who struggled with social anxiety. He used to tell me how he panicked at the idea of going to the university. I knew he wasn’t lying, but part of me couldn’t truly believe it, that a psychological disorder could control someone that much. I was telling him: you just needed to stop overthinking that people will hurt you, remind yourself there’s no reason to be afraid, and call it a day. Yes, I was ignorant. I tried to convince him to change something he couldn’t change, to “overcome it,” as if these were only voices in his head.

I Fear The Person I Will Become

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Thu, 20 Nov 2025 07:38:35 +0300

The velocity at which I’m updating my beliefs about the world has never been known to be slow; saying “Oops” and updating my beliefs implies updating my behavior if needed. This oscillating pattern of behavior has been defining the kind and amount of love I receive in this world, updating a behavior is either bringing me joy by interacting with people, loving myself, or appreciating the world, or has led me to a series of overwhelm led by the need to solve the questions I’m cornered with.

The First Whisper of quitting

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Wed, 19 Nov 2025 18:30:25 +0300

I used to think that if someone starts thinking about “quitting something,” then they are already declining, and there won’t be a lot of time until they quit. Here, I’m interested in quitting things you once desired or set for yourself, out of reliable or reliable intrinsic or extrinsic motivator.

Where You Are Allowed To Be You

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:15:00 +0300

To nerd out and talk about a particular topic that you are deeply interested in/ obsessed with, requires you to unveil part of yourself. Your personality, your affection, your love for that topic. Often, it feels like dancing in the symphony of that subject(my analogy is very consumed, but I feel it holds true here).

Gratitude Register

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Thu, 06 Nov 2025 22:00:00 +0300

Everyone is atheist until the plane starts falling. I have no clue who said this.

Taking Things For Granted

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Tue, 04 Nov 2025 04:10:00 +0300

I’ve taken things for granted before, and I always do. it doesn’t mean I don’t recognize the value of someone or something in my life, it’s just that I’m mostly busy and never able to find time to reflect upon the things I have in my life.

I Love Who I'm on A7med7edtz

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Tue, 14 Oct 2025 04:05:23 +0300

One of the most common questions I get is how I managed to learn so many media formats in such a short amount of time. people often assume I learned everything simultaneously. that is not true.

I Can't Accept Compliments

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Tue, 30 Sep 2025 15:56:42 +0300

I remember once posting on Facebook about how I dislike people who compliment me , and I wrote something along the lines of: if you want to be a good friend of mine, do not give me compliments.

State of Numbness

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sun, 22 Jun 2025 17:43:34 +0300

Early to rise early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead

The First 20 years of my life in a nutshell

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Mon, 02 Jun 2025 20:04:03 +0300

Today I folded the first twenty one years of my life, years I can’t repeat or replay. I thank Allah for blessing me to live this long. Those first 21 years were upheavals.

21

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Tue, 06 May 2025 12:19:23 +0300

It’s May 6, and I will be turning 21 in less than a month. I used to document at this time of the year, where I try as much as possible to reflect on the progress made this year, perhaps my learning process.

Lack of Real Feedback

ahmed@offsechq.com (A.Alghali) — Sun, 11 Feb 2024 19:21:15 +0300

Progress:

One of the good things I lack in my life is receiving feedback. Usually, everyone assumes that I’m an expert at everything, and they tend to define the way of our communication based on my social presence (oh, that’s Ahmed, everyone likes this dude. he is amazing… etc) while the reality is significantly different. I know several quality skills, like anyone, without having superpowers, I know how to speak, communicate, but I guarantee you I’m not the best!, and there is alot that you don’t know about me.