Reflections
I used to lament having no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
When I was a kid, my elder brother Mohammed used to work in many charity organizations . I used to be part of many of the events these charities were about. I saw the suffering of kids who were at the same age as me, many of whom had no father, no mother, no home to return to. the suffering was everywhere, yet they managed to smile every now and then. these were perhaps the earlier times when I started comparing my suffering to those whose suffering was far greater than mine.
Today, I spent five hours talking to Awab.
It wasn’t planned. no intention, no emotional preparation. he texted me casually saying: “VC in 2–3 hours?” the kind of message you expect to lead to small updates and shallow catching up as we usually do. Instead, it became one of the most profound conversations I’ve ever had. this piece exists to serve as an act of gratitude toward Awab, a person I realized today I’ve never properly stopped to appreciate. this is how I process affection: by intellectualizing the feelings, by writing instead about it, instead of feeling it directly, lol. If so, It captures fragments of what I learned about friendship, about myself, and about what it means to be understood without asking to be.
your growth is directly proportional to the amount of truth you are willing to accept about yourself.
It’s never simple to confront an insecurity you’ve never recognized before, to finally name something that has quietly shaped you for years. I’m not afraid to acknowledge it but I’m also not very comfortable exposing my vulnerabilities . Still, I believe that notes are a record of my thinking process, and for the sake of honesty, integrity, I can’t ignore the mistakes I’ve made or the impact they’ve had on others. Today I came across a quote that perfectly describes the person I’m, in relationships.
Sister Calderon: I don’t know but..whenever we happen to meet you’re always helping people and smiling.
Arthur: You’re too smart for me sister..I guess I..I’m afraid.
Sister Calderon: There is nothing to be afraid of mister Morgan. Take a gamble that love exists and do a loving act. Perhaps you could help somebody, helping makes you really happy.
I had a friend I met online who struggled with social anxiety. He used to tell me how he panicked at the idea of going to the university. I knew he wasn’t lying, but part of me couldn’t truly believe it, that a psychological disorder could control someone that much. I was telling him: you just needed to stop overthinking that people will hurt you, remind yourself there’s no reason to be afraid, and call it a day. Yes, I was ignorant. I tried to convince him to change something he couldn’t change, to “overcome it,” as if these were only voices in his head.