Reflection
Recently, a friend (North) told me something that summarized almost every failed attempt I had at explaining myself in relationships. he said although I wonder around and communicate, I am not dependent on being loved, and I am not dependent on being liked by everyone. and indeed I do not move through life chasing validation or needing reassurance that I matter.
Life will always find a way to bring you back to your knees, not with something dramatic. not with a perfectly timed tragedy. sometimes it is something small. something unexpected. something careless in its timing. a single comment. a memory. a failure. and suddenly you are back inside your head, remembering how hard it used to be to live there.
I’ve learned since a young age that time will pass.
not moments with loved ones.
not revolutions and the race to wealth.
not the one we age because.
The only real distinction between me and many of my friends is that I seek truth as a need, not as a pastime. I have spent most of my life trying to understand the world we live in, its physical reality, its existential questions, and its moral structure. what widens this distinction is that I do not treat understanding as an instrument for enjoyment or intellectual vanity. I seek it because I need it. I need it to make better decisions, and to quiet the confusion that once crowded my mind.
Change is not only about will power. you can fight your inner conflicts . you can decide to improve . you can push yourself daily. but there is another factor that matters just as much: timing. some forms of change does not happen just because you want it to. it happens when life gives it space to grow. it happens when conditions are in favorable.
Hardships of life are less hard to endure than living in my head.
Than having an internal conflict.
when it comes to giving advice, I’ve become economical with my words. I take things slowly, often saying maybe later, or not now.
People often mistake my quiet and nerdy appearance for having a specific type. they assume I prefer introverted friends, or that I naturally gravitate toward people who love science, numbers, psychology, and all the things I seem to be interested in. they think similarity is the easiest way to reach me.
They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart L
if you don’t schedule a break, your body will take one for you, and it probably won’t be at a convenient time.